Rather than talk about how I developed this story from an idea I jotted in my notebook under the working title, “Mirror Mad,” I’m going to go through the thought process behind my decision to publish this story on Kindle myself, and what that process was actually like.
Okay, I fibbed. A quick note about how I developed this story. Mostly because it has bearing on why I decided to self-publish this one. Warning: spoiler in my notes.
I came up with the germ of the story in 2014, when I was at Borderlands Writers Bootcamp. After several years of tinkering and development, I finally wrote the story for an anthology call in 2017. It didn’t make it in (obviously). That rejection came at the wrong time in my life and, straws having an accumulated weight, it was the straw that broke my back.
I was dealing with depression and anxiety in general which affected pretty much all aspects of my life, but none more specifically than writing. When we moved out to Oregon, I tried to ‘make it’ as a writer. But after a a few months and the bills mounting, I started a new career as a bike mechanic (for which I’m thankful; I love bikes). But I was still trying to write and submit. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in a healthy headspace and every rejection and setback I took as a reflection of my worth and abilities as a writer. It was hard and I stopped writing for several years.
Of course, with the benefit of hindsight, I understand that my creative drive still existed and was still high. I just needed a little more immediate return on my investment of time, energy, and brainpower. So I wrote jokes.
I mean, a LOT of jokes.
What kind of dog always seizes the day? A Shar Pei Diem.
Why shouldn’t couples go camping together? It’s too (two) intense (in tents).
Yes, they were bad. But they made people laugh, and that kind of immediate response bolstered me and got me through my self-doubt.
Then, in 2020, after being out of print for 6 years, Clean Freak was re-published by the good people at Siren’s Call. I slowly started coming back to writing, occasionally sitting down and writing some notes, sometimes even writing a chapter of something I thought was the start of something longer. But then I fizzled, would spiral again, and repeat.
I started therapy, for a myriad of reasons, but also started talking about writing. I recognized my creative drive had been with me through all this, but had taken another form. With work, I realized that I was too focused on having a story and getting it published, rather than simply enjoying the story and writing it down as a way to share that enjoyment.
I started editing my two newest stories, Running with Zombies and Experiment: Schrodinger, as a way to get back into writing. I submitted and got RwZ published, which encouraged me that, with a little work, I could write stories that people wanted to read. I finished editing E:S and submitted it.
And it got rejected.
It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I dusted myself off and kept an eye on the calls for something that sounded like the story would be a good fit. Another came along in November 2022, with a deadline of mid-December. The only problem: a hard word count limit of 4000 words.
E:S was 4200.
I decided to take a casual editing pass at it and see what I could cut without being ruthless about it. I thought that if I could cut 100+ words without really trying, I could shave off the 200 words I needed to get it under 4000.
I cut 28 words.
I was really frustrated, because I’d already spent so much time over the past 3 years editing, re-writing, and tweaking the story. I thought it was good and as tight as I could get it. Part of me wanted to submit it with a note to the editor; another part was sure the note and the story would go unread and be summarily rejected, all for a piddling 200 words.
Of course, there was still a chance that it would get rejected. And not necessarily because it wasn’t a good story. Maybe it wouldn’t fit the tone of the other stories that anchored the anthology. Maybe there would be a story that was already accepted that was close enough to my story that the two would seem redundant. But also, maybe the editor wouldn’t think it was a good enough story after all.
A lot of reasons to just say, “Fuck it,” and toss the story in a drawer.
But no. It was a story that I liked, a story I’d worked hard on, a story that I think is about something important. So I decided to try self-publishing it on Kindle.
-\-
Once I’d made that decision, using Kindle Create was fairly straight-forward. The hardest part about using it, for whatever reason, was finding the damn file in the series of drop menus. After that, the user interface of KC was pretty easy. I had my choice of 4 fonts, a couple different styles for page breaks, added a couple pages of materials at the beginning and end, and that was pretty much it.
I needed to do things like write a summary for the Amazon page (easy enough, but I still vetted my 3 sentence summary with my First Reader), set a price point, categorize the story (that was kind of weird for me), and then pushed the ‘Publish’ button. I immediately got an email to say that my submission was under review and I would get another email within 3 business days if it was approved. I got that email within 24 hours.
And in the almost month since I got that email, it has been a challenge to not hit ‘refresh’ repeatedly to check for reviews and my sales rank. I haven’t always been successful.
-\-
So if you’ve made it this far, thank you. I appreciate it. You’ve already done me a solid, but I’m hoping you can do me another favor. If you want to read Experiement: Shrodinger, that’s up to you. If you do, I appreciate it. I’d also appreciate it if you could leave a review. Reviews increase visibility, even if they’re just one word in addition to the rating. I feel weird asking, but if you’re reading this, maybe you’ll be cool with it. Cheers.
The Chimerical Dark 